15 Rules for Defiant Children and Chaotic Relationships + Free Q&A with Dr. Bruns

Book Sample  

Before you go out to clean up the world have you cleaned your room. 

Mating, procreation, is a very important part of the human journey, or should I say adventure. But creating healthy children to successfully share and fulfill your life is definitely more meaningful considering you only have one life to Live. A healthy relationship means planting the right crops. You can't get melons if you plant corn.

What does everyone in this misinformed world need to know? Renowned parenting psychologist Jeffrey M. Bruns answers the most difficult questions applying 15 Basic rules based on the scientific research BF Skinner utilizing the revelation of cutting edge operant conditioning. Business owner in Kansas City Missouri said Jeff's Basic 15 rules is based on wise teachings of the old using moderate illustrations an example so one will clearly understand how to create the change one needs today. In my experience this book offered some very relevant examples and communicating with my children in a meaningful way.

What dreadful parents dread most is the frustration of living in a household based on crisis management. Dr. Bruns takes us on a journey discussing discipline, the adventure of freedom, and responsibility he draws illustrations from his own parental experience as well as from his more than 30 years of clinical work and child psychology research. 15 rules for parents which shatters our modern misconception and misinformation of raising children. He unlocks the key to human behavior empowering the parent.

But you can't win unless you know the rules the first parenting rule is that your derrière is no longer the first buttocks of importance. To train a new human being to be self-sufficient is our job not our friend. If your offspring become your friend when they are adults, 25 to 30 years old, and you are old, consider your self successful and almost biblical. What is a self-sufficient young adult?

We have 15 years to ensure that our offspring can be self sufficient. If we have failed, then we have failed our job. There are no do overs. Do it right. Do it once. But you must leave your derrière in the mirror of the past.

How quickly the human being adapts to our planets rules is also dependent upon IQ and emotional maturity. Train a whale, train a child, shape a relationship. The universe works on rules, very old rules, 15 rules to be precise. Violate the rules and you will create chaos in the home, learn the rules and your children will find their path while they are on the planet, and we are no longer here to support. We got one chance to get it right.

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Popular Highlights in this book

Major problems have minor beginnings The growth is as subtle as cancer, gradually growing until one day you have a major problem and you don't know what to do about it or how do you even got there. But there are telltale signs

Everybody wants a little love 

Babies cry for and men die for. They need to be recognized as a powerful life force. All human beings crave recognition and every day they change their behavior to achieve it. How children acquire recognition doesn't happen spontaneously, it is learned. Whether the recognition is received as punishment or affection makes little difference to children as long as they get it. 

Actions speak louder than words 

Children have no ill feelings when consequences for behavior is consistent. We readily accept the responsibility for our actions. Inconsistency breeds anger and contempt, consistency breach love.

What everybody wants is to have what they want. 

Children can't learn something new unless somebody shows them how to do it. Oh, they could learn by trial and error, but why leave success to chance? At one time the child's behavior served a purpose, like the instinctive crib behavior crying for their needs to be met. At the age of two years old it is time to move on. Cease recognizing, serving, that behavior because it is no longer needed.

 Kids must learn to earn. If they don't then we have failed and their lives will roller coaster from one crisis to another. 

Children weren't born into this world to have things work for them, they were born into this world to make things work. By making things work, a become the person they need to be. The rules are the same, they are as ancient as time and unforgiving if broken.

The surest way to create this content is to reward without labor 

Do kids always have to be working? They can rest, but the rest must be deserved. Only through work can they rest. Rest is a reward. In order to enjoy, kids must earn it. Rewards without work I have no satisfaction. It has no purpose and therefore cannot be deserved. Happy kids are deserving kids. 

No child is born bad. All children are born to win. 

Unfortunately, children are often ignored until they do something annoying. If children are playing quietly, when are they usually recognized? When they begin to whine. If a child is drawing at the kitchen table, when do you attend to them? When they begin drawing on the table. 

Whatever you plant, that's what you get 

If parents plant the seeds of bad habits they won't get the good habits. If you plant peas, you'll get peas. If you plant carrots. You'll get carrots. If you plant corn, you won't get watermelons. This may sound very naïve and quite basic, but I think some parents are ignorant of what they plant and expect to get a luscious crop of good habits. These are called the seeds of defeat.

Privileges 

Why do we use privileges instead of punishment? Punishment requires that the parents take responsibility. The parents shouldn't be taking responsibility, that's the child's job. How you get children to take responsibility? How do you get anyone to take responsibility? When children reach the age of reason between six and seven years old, they should be on a monetary management program like any employee. When my children are playing in their room and their behaviors begin to interfere with the harmony in the home. I tell them, with a smile, that I can intervene and help them as a referee. But they will each have to pay me a dollar for my services. Then I ask them again, would you like me to referee? If they reject my services, which they often do, I then ask them how they will solve their issue.

Modeling 

If you want someone to do something specifically, then you show them how to do it. That's all. Very simple. I call that modeling the behavior. As they performed the behavior step-by-step they in turn must be earning, so they can pay the referee.

What is bad inappropriate behavior? 

A simple rule of thumb we must ask: if everyone in the household exhibited that behavior at the same time, would it be okay? Will that behavior create success for this child on the Journey to self-sufficiency?

Fill the refrigerator 

I was working with an elderly grandparent raising two teenage boys. The grandparent was obviously old-school so the concept of rules truly meant following the rules, because that was their job as parents. Her definition of a healthy self-sufficient young adult? They live in their own place with a refrigerator they fill themselves.